Thursday, April 3, 2008

PMS or Overreaction?

Blog has been neglected long enough. Life tends to get busy this time of year, but sheesh!

We have had a death in the extended family, a broken finger, the jeep died, the van finally came back after a month in the shop and has to go right back in for more work, not to mention our attempts at spring cleaning. We got a dumpster and everything!

Life has been crazy and it is time to vent it out.

Ryan and I had our first public fight. It has been four years; I guess we were due.

We were at the funeral for his step-grandma who lost her battle with cancer. It was a very hard on Ryan's family, but since she was someone my kids had only met a handful of times, I didn't pull the older two out of school for the funeral. In hindsight, it was probably not the best decision, but one we made as a couple.

At the luncheon after the funeral, Ryan came up to me and told me I was wanted for a family picture. He made the comment, "Now that we are officially married you are expected to be in it." He was kidding, but immediately I went into mama bear mode and told him I was going to sit this one out.

He calmly explained it was his great-aunt who wanted the pictures and it would be no big deal, but I just smiled and said, "Since half my family isn't here, I will not be in the picture. I don't mind if you and the babies join."

I am ultra sensitive to my blended family. There is a divide in kids, but I want to acknowledge it as little as possible. An extended family picture that is possibly going to end up on the mantle at Grandma's house is not something I want my older kids to see and wonder why they aren't in the extended-family photo.

He tried to make it better and say it wasn't a real family picture. The woman simply wanted photos of the family members at the luncheon. I snapped back, "That is easily fixed. I can leave."

Ryan got a big snippy with me and said, "It is no big deal, just get in the picture."

Here is where I started to get back in his face. You can't have it both ways. Either it really is no big deal - in which case no one will mind if I sit out - OR it IS a big deal - in which case I am definitely not getting in the picture without my other two kids. I asked him, "Which is it?"

He started to walk off . . . INFURIATING . . . I yelled after him and made him talk to me. In the end, he promised the only one with a copy would be a woman in another state and "please just get in the photo, play nice this once."

I was really upset for a few days. It wasn't about the photo anymore. He wasn't sticking up for me. Most of the time he is WONDERFUL at having my back on my idiosyncrasies, but this time I felt thrown under the bus. When I was calm enough to hear his side, I began to understand. He was already on the $h1t list with his mother for other silly issues. He had said we would be in the photo before he asked me and didn't want to make a scene after agreeing. Ryan promises it won't happen again.

I need some opinions. Was this a serious case of PMS or was I justified in flipping out?



Shawn said...

I think that funerals are stessful (even if you aren't especially close to the deceased), so don't beat yourself up over it. It's over and done. You both got to explain your sides when you had both calmed down and were no longer in the moment. I'm not going to say if you were overreacting or not. It is what it is--over!

MomBFF said...

I, totally, think it was PMS.

Andrea a.k.a Mother Cardinal said...

I agree with Shawn, now that it's over don't beat yourself up over it. I will say that like you I am very sensitive when it comes to my blended family. My husband came into my life when my daughter was at such a young age and she knows him as her dad and sometimes I can get a bit over ly offended when people refer to him as just her stepdad.