PMS or Overreaction?

Blog has been neglected long enough. Life tends to get busy this time of year, but sheesh!

We have had a death in the extended family, a broken finger, the jeep died, the van finally came back after a month in the shop and has to go right back in for more work, not to mention our attempts at spring cleaning. We got a dumpster and everything!

Life has been crazy and it is time to vent it out.

Ryan and I had our first public fight. It has been four years; I guess we were due.

We were at the funeral for his step-grandma who lost her battle with cancer. It was a very hard on Ryan's family, but since she was someone my kids had only met a handful of times, I didn't pull the older two out of school for the funeral. In hindsight, it was probably not the best decision, but one we made as a couple.

At the luncheon after the funeral, Ryan came up to me and told me I was wanted for a family picture. He made the comment, "Now that we are officially married you are expected to be in it." He was kidding, but immediately I went into mama bear mode and told him I was going to sit this one out.

He calmly explained it was his great-aunt who wanted the pictures and it would be no big deal, but I just smiled and said, "Since half my family isn't here, I will not be in the picture. I don't mind if you and the babies join."

I am ultra sensitive to my blended family. There is a divide in kids, but I want to acknowledge it as little as possible. An extended family picture that is possibly going to end up on the mantle at Grandma's house is not something I want my older kids to see and wonder why they aren't in the extended-family photo.

He tried to make it better and say it wasn't a real family picture. The woman simply wanted photos of the family members at the luncheon. I snapped back, "That is easily fixed. I can leave."

Ryan got a big snippy with me and said, "It is no big deal, just get in the picture."

Here is where I started to get back in his face. You can't have it both ways. Either it really is no big deal - in which case no one will mind if I sit out - OR it IS a big deal - in which case I am definitely not getting in the picture without my other two kids. I asked him, "Which is it?"

He started to walk off . . . INFURIATING . . . I yelled after him and made him talk to me. In the end, he promised the only one with a copy would be a woman in another state and "please just get in the photo, play nice this once."

I was really upset for a few days. It wasn't about the photo anymore. He wasn't sticking up for me. Most of the time he is WONDERFUL at having my back on my idiosyncrasies, but this time I felt thrown under the bus. When I was calm enough to hear his side, I began to understand. He was already on the $h1t list with his mother for other silly issues. He had said we would be in the photo before he asked me and didn't want to make a scene after agreeing. Ryan promises it won't happen again.

I need some opinions. Was this a serious case of PMS or was I justified in flipping out?

-SaraMae

Think People Think

I don't understand restaurants. A local restaurant, and a favorite in our family, includes a bite sized rice crispie treat with the children's dinner. It is nice to have a dessert included with your meal, but why in the world would you bring it out on the plate along side the kid's meal.

The extra touch is enjoyable - not a huge dessert, not an overload of sugar - but it annoys the beejeebees out of me! While six and eight year olds are capable of understanding the dessert-is-last concept, two and a half year olds aren't as mentally equipped. They know what is inside the metallic blue wrapper. True, mom can grab them off the plates, but sometimes mom's arms aren't fast enough especially when reaching for two. It seems eighteen month olds also whine for the packages that crinkle. Only good stuff comes in packages that crinkle.

Dessert on the meal plate is a recipe for tantrums. Next time I have to remember to ask the waitress to skip the treats. Funniest part? They also have suckers in a fishbowl at the front door. One treat is sufficient in my book.

-Sara

Toast I can Trust

All I want is a good toaster. I am tired of struggling with the temperamental machine all morning. When I moved in with Ryan, he didn't even have a toaster. Mine didn't survive the move. I mentioned to him my kids were warm breakfast lovers, and within the next few days, he brought one home after work.

This little thing was great for the first few months, but for some reason the outside coils stopped working. I was constantly flipping toast all morning until both sides were golden. Infuriating. I begged for a four slice toaster.

Once again, he came home with a new toaster. Once again, it was fabulous . . . for the first few months. The four slice machine truly looked like an upgrade. We have the intensity dial as well as three buttons including a setting for bagels, frozen items, and a cancel button. I was a toast making fiend!

Now, however, I am ready to chuck the thing through the wall. This time it is the inside coils that are going out (which renders the bagel setting completely useless) and the outside coils take forever to warm up. I have become the flipping fool again. It wouldn't be so bad, but on totally random days, it works just fine. Those days produce black toast.

HELP ME I AM GOING CRAZY!!!! Who out there has a great four slice toaster? I am even willing to spend some serious clams if it will make my mornings less complicated. My MomBFF swears by her toaster oven. Anyone use one of these? I am a creature of habit which makes me skeptical. Drop me a line, let me know if you have the same issues. Guess I better start reading the reviews on Amazon.com, ugh.

-Sara

Thanks Babe! I Love You Too!

Husbands drive me nuts when they are trying to be helpful. I was sick on Saturday. He was very thoughtful and sent me to take a four hour nap. That part was wonderful. In the meantime, my mother called to have my older son come spend the night. I wake up to find him gone. No problem yet.

The next morning, however, I meet up with her at church. My son is wearing extremely worn jeans and a t-shirt two sizes too big. Turns out my lovely husband let him pack his own bag for the overnight. Thank goodness he brought a toothbrush! I had to listen to my mother mention, "I think it is great that you are going to the gym every other day now, but don't you think you should make laundry a priority? He said he couldn't find any clean clothes."

Mortified. That boy had clean clothes. Sheesh!

Oh, and while I am on a husband rant. He needs to stop telling people I am going back to work for goofy reasons. He told one set of people I got a job so I can get a new minivan that has seats which turn to face the rear. Yes, I would love one of those, but I am happy with my current paid off van thank you very much.

He told another set of people that I am getting a job because I am turning into my mother. Which to him means I want gobs of money for shopping. LMAO!!! While it is true I would LOVE to have extra money so I don't have to say, "honey . . ." everytime there is a craft sale, in reality I spend less money on shopping than any other woman I know. What is he talking about?

Tonight I mentioned to my mother-in-law that my younger daughter is signed up for the 2008-2009 school year for half day preschool. Ryan made an off the cuff comment about, "Well, this is assuming she keeps her job and can afford it." UGH!!! Don't make it sound like I need to work. Preschool was in the budget before I talked about this job.

Men - weirdos. I assume it is his way of making conversation with people while keeping our personal stuff private. I should start piping up with some nonsense of my own -

"I have to build up my Just-In-Case-I-Decide-To-Leave-Ryan fund."

"The deal is I work for a year, then I get to conceive twins."

"Ryan is making me pay for my own boob job."

"I'm not really getting a job. It's my cover for the affair."

-Sara

Newly Amended House Rules

For those of you with young children under the age of three, here are some rules you can look forward to possibly implementing!

1. The previous rule "If someone says 'please stop,' the person has to stop" is now amended to the following - If it involves your body, ex: hitting, tickling, poking your nose, splashing you, etc., you may tell them in a nice voice to please stop and they have to stop. If someone's words or singing or other goofiness is bothering you, you are allowed to ASK them to please stop. If they don't, please ignore them or move to another room. It is unacceptable to yell, "please stop, Please Stop, PLEASE STOP!" or "please stop telling me to please stop."

2. The previous rule "Respond to the parents with either yes sir or yes ma'am" is now amended to the following - You must respond with yes ma'am/sir when given a direction. This phrase needs to be spoken clearly and at a level audible to human beings. This phrase will be followed by actually completing the direction and coming back to confirm the task was completed. It is unacceptable to yell, "I SAAAID yes MA'AM!!!" or, "Yes ma'am, BUT . . ."

3. If you don't flush the toilet, you owe mommy a quarter.

4. If you leave the front door open, you own daddy a quarter.

5. The previous rule "Change your underwear every morning" is now amended to - Change into CLEAN underwear every morning and after showers.

6. The previous rule "Put your seat belt on when you first get into the car" is now amended to - Get in the car, shut the door, sit with your buns against the back of the seat, buckle your seat belt, leave the shoulder belt on your shoulder, stay facing forward with your back against the seat, do not play with the headrest in front of you.

And most importantly -

7. All booger picking and playing with your privates must be done in your bedroom. No one wants to see it!!!!

- Sara

Dads Do it Differently

I can't blog long because I have to get to the store while the baby is napping (don't worry, Ryan is home), but I wanted to drop a line about my frustrations with my oldest daughter.

She has been struggling to get school works done on time. It is irritating for me since these works can't be completed at home as they use Montessori materials to do them. Every week I talk to her about work ethic, learning to work through distractions, how to be less OCD, etc. Yeah, no big changes.

Then RYAN opens the work plan (comes home for parent signatures and keeps track of such items) and says, "unacceptable, get caught up, or you are grounded, stay caught up or no skiing on our Colorado trip," and now she is a working fool.

Not fair!

. . . and why didn't I have him do that six months ago . . .

- Sara

Socks Suck!

I am so tired of socks. I have a friend who swears by a sock crate. She doesn't sort them. Instead she has the family members rummage through them on their own each morning for matches. As wonderful as that sounds, with six of us, I am imagining socks strewn everywhere and daily arguments over whose turn it is to find socks. I have enough of that problem during teeth brushing time.

Socks and towels used to be my favorite part of laundry. Mindless folding of towels and matching socks brought me peace. That was when there was just three of us in the family. It was easy: big ones - mine, pink toes - daughter, green toes - son.

But now, ugh! Green stripe on toe, yellow stripe on toe, grey bottoms, grey toe and heel, all white, all white with yellow stripe on inside of ankle, pink brand name on toe, blue brand name on toe, green brand name on toe, purple brand name on toe, ankle length, crew length, no-show length. Now that my oldest has hit the stage where she and I can share socks, you think it would get easier, but no. Now I have every size known to man hiding in this house - newborn through mens.

I am almost ready to throw them all out and buy up one brand, two bags of every size.

Then again, it is only four months until sandals and flip flops come back. This family doesn't wear socks from May through September. I suppose I should wait until the end of sock season to toss them out.

I will keep you updated.

- Sara

Shopping with Quads

And while we are talking shopping, we had another rude comment lady that put a twist on our pet peeve. MomBFF was shopping in the mall for a cocktail dress for her husband's company's holiday party. Since it was only two days after the shooting, she asked for BFF support to come with her. It was near lunch time, but since we all had hair appointments to make, we pushed through!

I was super excited they all were being behaved. I had my daughter in my mei tai sling (thank goodness she is still under 30 pounds) and the other three were sitting in a nice little bunch in between the racks MomBFF was browsing. A lovely sales associate came over to see if we needed help and said something to the effect of, "I remember those day, wow that takes me back," but then she said one of those things that can come off harsh, "Don't worry, it will get better."

Okay lady
1. These aren't my only kids. I have already done "this part" with two others. I don't need you telling me "it will get better" since I am already an expert at the near future!
2. Get better? What needs to get better? We have three two year olds and one 15 month old sitting quietly in an upscale store.

Why does EVERYONE assume that four kids at this age are hard? They aren't! Maybe, just maybe ***WARNING, rant coming*** if you don't spend all day with your children and shove them in a daycare for 12 hours at a time and then pick them up only to feed them fast food in the car drive home and set them in front of a TV until bed time and send them to grandma or even "dad's house" for the weekend and don't KNOW you children very well, then MAYBE THEN you would think four toddlers are hard. But for me and my friend, we have it covered.

-whew- I feel better. I don't really think anyone parents that way. And I get that for many people four kids would be something they want to get through to the "better." I just wish they could recognize that for some of us out there, this is the best part!

Oh, and she, unlike most people, did come back and make it better. She sensed my annoyance when I answered her with, "Oh I don't know, I think this part is really good." She said she only meant that she and her brother where terrors at that age, as well as her own children. Then she complimented how wonderful they were being.

Of course if the lady at our second store had made the comment, I would have understood. By the time we hit the next store it was past nap time and the kids had had enough. One was running circles around a rack, one was attempting to make snow angels on the tiled floor, one was trying to escape the mei tai, and I was playing tug of war with a scarf and the fourth one hoping it would keep her from taking off.

That particular sales associate simply said, "Oh wow! Are they quads? They look like so much fun!" Go figure :)

- Sara

Crap Shoot Comment

So I am in a store looking for extension cords since our yard needed three more to become a complete Christmas wonderland. I had my MomBFF with me and all four of our toddlers. She took the boys in her cart while I took the girls. I chose the wrong gender! My daughter wasn't particularly happy about being stuck in a cart that morning and refused to stop screaming her fool head off.

I did my best to distract her, which worked for minutes at a time. I tried holding her. I even thought letting her walk for a spell would calm her down, but she was in a mood that wouldn't quit. The only way to keep her quiet was to half hug her while she sat in the front of the cart. This made navigating through the store a tad difficult, but hey, you do what you have to do.

It's funny how I mother differently the more children I have. If it had been my oldest having a rough toddler moment, I would have been mortified and left the store. By the time I had my second child, an endless mood would have been dealt with by waiting it out in a deserted part of the store until I could calmly finish my shopping.

By the time you have a third and fourth child, you don't have time to put off most shopping trips. You don't even have enough time to wait out tantrums in the parking lot or bathrooms. Suddenly, and maybe it isn't so much having four kids, just school aged children as well as toddlers, you are always on a time crunch when it comes to errands.

At least I don't have so many kids that I deal with fits by completely ignoring them. I still have a soft heart and hate having my child miserable, but I did the best I could. Things were going okay until I found the extension cords. I had to let her go to fill the cart. I knew my only option was to grab them fast!

That is when the rude comment hit. It wasn't even made in my earshot. It was made to my MomBFF. As she was making her way to my area of the store, a woman who must have been annoyed by my daughter, noticed our sons being good in her cart and said, "Aren't you glad that isn't YOUR kid?"

This is why I love her, she answered, "That IS my kid." The lady looked confused so she clarified, "yes, I have triplets, she is one of them." MomBFF told me she didn't quite apologize, but muttered something about not realizing we were together and hurrying off.

Serves her right. It is one thing to make gossipy comment about other people's kids to your BFF while you shop. I see women do it to us all the time. Mouths gaping at the fact we have seven of them around us. I will admit it too. More than once I have whispered to my friend to look at what the kid in the next cart is doing. It's called people watching and it's fun. But when you try and do it with strangers, now it feels more like an insult. Yes? And really, like in this woman's case, it can be a crap shoot.

Thanks JM for sticking up for me and my daughter!

- Sara

Dear Santa, 2007

This is the first year my son has been able to write a Christmas list. I love Love LOVE how writings reflect the child. This is straight from his word document -

Dear Santa,

I would like Spy gear.
An I pod.
Moonsand.
A webkinz that is a monkey.
wood shop motor shop.
Electric guitar
Tommy 20
A car that has three wheels that can drive almost anywhere.
A phone.
A truck and you haft to pack be for it pops.
A trap that goes in your room.
A toothbrush that can make music in your head.
A reel snake.

Personally, I enjoy all the periods at the ends of the "sentences." It made me giggle when he was whining about his misspellings. I tried to tell him that Santa will know what he means, but he was still upset. "There are still words with wavy red lines! That means they aren't RIGHT!" He is a little perfectionist just like the rest of the family.

And literal! I love that he added "drive almost anywhere." Don't say it if you don't mean it. You can't drive it on the ceiling! The last line is also classic. With half the family allergic to pet dander, we have the rule - No pets with fur. I was trying to leave it open for fish. No, my child finds the lizard and reptile loop hole. I should have made the rule - nothing that breathes air.

It amazes me how high tech the lists are getting. Ipod, electric guitar and a phone? Seriously? A six year old? My seven year old daughter's list was simply - Ipod, camera, phone, video camera, and computer. I was waiting for her to ask for a car. I remember my parents saying things like - "kids these days grow up too fast," but this is ridiculous.

And what is with the stupid toys this year. A game where you have to pack the trunk of the SUV before the timer runs out? Sounds more like 2 AM as we are leaving for Colorado, not a game.

Color streaks for your hair? I understand the appeal, but really? You are going to sell a tube of colored hair gel along with a cheap plastic straightener type object? Yes, because that will get the results they show on the TV! Let's not leave out the bedazzeler for your hair. Save yourself some money and go get the hair jewels that have velcro on the back. You don't need a special contraption to attach them, and they slide right out.

Thank the LORD above they recalled the Aqua Dots. I was not looking forward to those all over my house. I am going to have a wonderful time as it is with the moon sand and play doh.

Or my all time favorite this year. A puppy who, over a few days, becomes a full grown dog. It also responds to the name you give him as well as yours. Okay, cute idea, but who is the moron who came up with the name for this toy? Puppy Grows and Knows Your Name. Trying to find it on google, yes, it works out, but come on! You are toy makers for crying out loud. Be creative!

"What are you going to name your baby?"
"Baby Sleeps and Nurses and Poops and will Eventually Hate You for Raising Him Wrong"

"Is this your husband?"
"Yes, his name is Big Tech Geek Who Pays the Bills and Keeps the Mamma Happy. This is our daughter Girl Eats Alot and Stays Up Late and Asks Too Many Questions. Our son Tiny Boy Who Doesn't Stop Talking and Thinks He's Sneaky."

Yes, this toy had me laughing for hours one slap happy night. Ryan was ignoring me, but I had my self so amused I had tears running down my face.

Okay, enough nonsense. I better go email Santa.

- Sara