A Gas Station Realization

I did it. I completely altered my son's view of the world.

He went from seeing the world as a place where everything is always okay and everyone can attain what they need, to finding out money is essential in the world. It happened in two minutes flat.

We were on our way to pick up some dinner. You know the type of evening. Karate practice ran late. The sun snuck its way under the horizon before I knew it. The freezer was full of items that would take way too much effort to turn into a scrumptious meal, and the fridge was nearly bare. The older two were STARVING and beginning to make those whiny noises that sound so pathetic you begin to think maybe they are slightly malnourished. When they heard "fast food night" there were cheers and praises. However the primitive whining noises began again, when I reminded them, for the fourth time, we HAD to stop for gas before the car sputtered to a stop. There would be absolutely NO FOOD until we got gas. So when I stopped at the pump but pulled away realizing space cadet mom had struck again and my purse was left in the entry way at home, my oldest son immediately noticed something wasn't right.

"Where are we going?"
"Home. I accidentally left my purse at home."
"I thought we were getting some food."
"We have to get gas first, remember?"
"Why didn't we get gas?"

I should have seen it coming, but I was too annoyed at myself for such a bonehead moment, I was in teacher-autopilot mode - answering questions with short, accurate answers which are the easiest for young ones to digest and learn.

"Because my money is in my purse."
"But mom, you don't need money, just use that pump thing."

That's when the floodgates opened up. We talked about debit cards and credit cards and how they transfer funds. We approached money in its infancy stage as a bartering system. I thought the conversation was over and I enjoyed the few moments of silence that we as mothers rarely receive. It was so quite I could almost hear the words swimming in his brain. He looked longingly out his window and said, almost to himself, "Wow, you need money for almost everything. That is so disappointing."

The gravity of what had happened in his head hit me like a swift punch in the stomach. My heart sank as I realized I had crushed his perception of a perfect world. A place where those who need gas in their cars, drive up to a pump and fill it. A place where hungry people can drive up to a window and order food. A society where you can walk into a dojo and learn karate or find a studio and take up dance. A city where you live in a home and turn on the lights and get air conditioning or heat whenever you need it. I wanted to live in his world. It sounded wonderful. But no, I had taken him by the hand and flung him into my world.

I have always talked to my children as real people. Kids can handle more truth than we think. However in that moment, I wished I had blown off his questions. Why didn't I just use the standard, "just because," or "don't worry about it, we will get gas in a minute after a quick detour."

I wish he could have lived in that world longer.

- Sara