Lesson in Politics

Wow. I didn't think I would be having these conversations so early. My third grade daughter is running for student council. I have never seen my child work this hard at anything. She spent hours writing a speech, transferring it to note cards, editing, and reciting it.

She has had the following realizations:

"It's not fair! Everyone is going to vote for their friends! They should be voting for the best person for the job! I would listen to every one's ideas, not just my friends." -- aww, an idealist just like her mommy!

"All of the boys are going to vote for 'A.' The girls are going to vote for me and 'S.' That means 'A' is going to win. That isn't really fair!" -- yay, my baby girl is a stats geek like mommy too!

"Wouldn't it be more polite to vote for someone other than yourself? 'A' and 'S' said they are going to vote for themselves. What should I do? It seems selfish to vote for yourself." -- and she has heart! Man I love my kid.

Wow, it's going to suck when she loses . . .

She asked me what happens if she wins - I told her I would be happy for her.
She asked me what happens if she loses - I told her I would be proud of her for working so hard.
She asked me what happens if she ties - I told her I would say, "now what?"

She cracks me up!

-Sara

Hubby made a Funny

My three year old was trying very hard to snuggle with me tonight on the couch but she couldn't get comfy. Anytime she did settle into one spot I had to move her. I was trying to explain there is a baby in my tummy which is why my lap is shrinking.

She said, "Oh, I sorry mommy."

My husband shouts from the other room, "That is how I felt when I heard about it too darling."

Men . . .

-Sara

Boys Being Boys

My son rummaged through his Valentines and was excited to find six temporary tatoos. One of them was an image of a Bratz doll. He handed it to me and said -

"Can you save this for me? I want to use it someday, but not right now, maybe this weekend." Then, he added in a whisper, "Because I like Bratz too, but please don't tell anyone."

Gender rolls - looks like we are in the girl-stuff-is-icky phase. Poor thing. He lives in a family where you are allowed to like whatever you like. Ryan's favorite color is purple, Grandpa used to take dance lessons, and Uncle is a stylist/salon owner (I should probably add - straight). My son himself used to be in a competitive dance duo. Too bad the rest world isn't always as accepting.

-Sara

Newly Amended House Rules

For those of you with young children under the age of three, here are some rules you can look forward to possibly implementing!

1. The previous rule "If someone says 'please stop,' the person has to stop" is now amended to the following - If it involves your body, ex: hitting, tickling, poking your nose, splashing you, etc., you may tell them in a nice voice to please stop and they have to stop. If someone's words or singing or other goofiness is bothering you, you are allowed to ASK them to please stop. If they don't, please ignore them or move to another room. It is unacceptable to yell, "please stop, Please Stop, PLEASE STOP!" or "please stop telling me to please stop."

2. The previous rule "Respond to the parents with either yes sir or yes ma'am" is now amended to the following - You must respond with yes ma'am/sir when given a direction. This phrase needs to be spoken clearly and at a level audible to human beings. This phrase will be followed by actually completing the direction and coming back to confirm the task was completed. It is unacceptable to yell, "I SAAAID yes MA'AM!!!" or, "Yes ma'am, BUT . . ."

3. If you don't flush the toilet, you owe mommy a quarter.

4. If you leave the front door open, you own daddy a quarter.

5. The previous rule "Change your underwear every morning" is now amended to - Change into CLEAN underwear every morning and after showers.

6. The previous rule "Put your seat belt on when you first get into the car" is now amended to - Get in the car, shut the door, sit with your buns against the back of the seat, buckle your seat belt, leave the shoulder belt on your shoulder, stay facing forward with your back against the seat, do not play with the headrest in front of you.

And most importantly -

7. All booger picking and playing with your privates must be done in your bedroom. No one wants to see it!!!!

- Sara

Dear Santa, 2007

This is the first year my son has been able to write a Christmas list. I love Love LOVE how writings reflect the child. This is straight from his word document -

Dear Santa,

I would like Spy gear.
An I pod.
Moonsand.
A webkinz that is a monkey.
wood shop motor shop.
Electric guitar
Tommy 20
A car that has three wheels that can drive almost anywhere.
A phone.
A truck and you haft to pack be for it pops.
A trap that goes in your room.
A toothbrush that can make music in your head.
A reel snake.

Personally, I enjoy all the periods at the ends of the "sentences." It made me giggle when he was whining about his misspellings. I tried to tell him that Santa will know what he means, but he was still upset. "There are still words with wavy red lines! That means they aren't RIGHT!" He is a little perfectionist just like the rest of the family.

And literal! I love that he added "drive almost anywhere." Don't say it if you don't mean it. You can't drive it on the ceiling! The last line is also classic. With half the family allergic to pet dander, we have the rule - No pets with fur. I was trying to leave it open for fish. No, my child finds the lizard and reptile loop hole. I should have made the rule - nothing that breathes air.

It amazes me how high tech the lists are getting. Ipod, electric guitar and a phone? Seriously? A six year old? My seven year old daughter's list was simply - Ipod, camera, phone, video camera, and computer. I was waiting for her to ask for a car. I remember my parents saying things like - "kids these days grow up too fast," but this is ridiculous.

And what is with the stupid toys this year. A game where you have to pack the trunk of the SUV before the timer runs out? Sounds more like 2 AM as we are leaving for Colorado, not a game.

Color streaks for your hair? I understand the appeal, but really? You are going to sell a tube of colored hair gel along with a cheap plastic straightener type object? Yes, because that will get the results they show on the TV! Let's not leave out the bedazzeler for your hair. Save yourself some money and go get the hair jewels that have velcro on the back. You don't need a special contraption to attach them, and they slide right out.

Thank the LORD above they recalled the Aqua Dots. I was not looking forward to those all over my house. I am going to have a wonderful time as it is with the moon sand and play doh.

Or my all time favorite this year. A puppy who, over a few days, becomes a full grown dog. It also responds to the name you give him as well as yours. Okay, cute idea, but who is the moron who came up with the name for this toy? Puppy Grows and Knows Your Name. Trying to find it on google, yes, it works out, but come on! You are toy makers for crying out loud. Be creative!

"What are you going to name your baby?"
"Baby Sleeps and Nurses and Poops and will Eventually Hate You for Raising Him Wrong"

"Is this your husband?"
"Yes, his name is Big Tech Geek Who Pays the Bills and Keeps the Mamma Happy. This is our daughter Girl Eats Alot and Stays Up Late and Asks Too Many Questions. Our son Tiny Boy Who Doesn't Stop Talking and Thinks He's Sneaky."

Yes, this toy had me laughing for hours one slap happy night. Ryan was ignoring me, but I had my self so amused I had tears running down my face.

Okay, enough nonsense. I better go email Santa.

- Sara

Real Pain in the...

On Sunday, we did what thousands of other families do the weekend after Thanksgiving. (no, we didn't sleep off our turkey hangovers with our hands in the waistband of our pants while snoring on the couch watching football...) We put up our Christmas decorations. Our little Jelly Bean was quite fascinated with the whole process. She thought the multicolored lights were "really pretty", the glass balls were "really shiny", the snowman that I put around the house were "really sparkly"...I think you get the picture. Any-who, as we were assembling the Christmas tree, which by the was "really scratchy" I tried to get her to work on one of her wooden puzzles that usually keep her occupied for a few minutes at a time, allowing her dad and I to get something quick finished up without her underfoot. She was working on one that had shapes on it. It included a hexagon and an octagon, which when put back into the wooden board in the exact way they were cut out, fit quite nicely, but if you happen to get them turned around a little, you have a tough time wedging the little suckers in. (The puzzle maker didn't make all the sides exact) The conversation we have while I'm putting up the tree goes something like this...

her: "Mommy, this puzzle isn't playing nice"
me: "It isn't? Keep trying, you'll get it figured out"
her: "(some kind of moaning groaning sound and a big sigh)"
me: "Are you getting it?"
her: "This is a pain in the butt, Mommy."
me: (after trying not to laugh out loud) "Who did you hear say that?"
her: "Me. I said it. Silly Mommy..."
me: (directed to the hubby) "We really need to start being careful what we say. That could have very easily been a little worse."
him: "Heh, yeah, but at least she used it in the right context."

Proud papa, all the way. Way to go Jelly Bean!

Bittersweet Baby Talk

My fourth child finally said mamma. I didn't even get to enjoy it. The little buggar knows it too.

We were on our way home from a weekend trip to Chicago. The drive home was going great with 75% of my children sleeping, but the 14 month old wasn't happy. He was whimpering. I tried giving him a sippy, tried the glow worm toy, even gave him a potato chip. They were all thrown to the ground. He wanted held. I couldn't change his mind. That's when he played his trump card.

"Mmmmmmahhhhhmmmmmaahhhh!!!"

I immediately asked Ryan, "did he just say mamma?" Of course he was no help. He was using his male tuning out system. All I got was a, "huh?" But then clear as day, through a few more sobs, I heard it again.

"Mammmmmmma!"

Great. First time he calls for me I can't get him. Dang seatbelt laws! I asked the baby the next day if he remembered saying mamma. Buggar just smiled at me. I think he enjoys pushing my buttons, and why wouldn't he. The other three love it just as much.

Oh well, at least he said mamma. I have to remember it will be no time before I will be wishing he couldn't say it! :)

- Sara

A Gas Station Realization

I did it. I completely altered my son's view of the world.

He went from seeing the world as a place where everything is always okay and everyone can attain what they need, to finding out money is essential in the world. It happened in two minutes flat.

We were on our way to pick up some dinner. You know the type of evening. Karate practice ran late. The sun snuck its way under the horizon before I knew it. The freezer was full of items that would take way too much effort to turn into a scrumptious meal, and the fridge was nearly bare. The older two were STARVING and beginning to make those whiny noises that sound so pathetic you begin to think maybe they are slightly malnourished. When they heard "fast food night" there were cheers and praises. However the primitive whining noises began again, when I reminded them, for the fourth time, we HAD to stop for gas before the car sputtered to a stop. There would be absolutely NO FOOD until we got gas. So when I stopped at the pump but pulled away realizing space cadet mom had struck again and my purse was left in the entry way at home, my oldest son immediately noticed something wasn't right.

"Where are we going?"
"Home. I accidentally left my purse at home."
"I thought we were getting some food."
"We have to get gas first, remember?"
"Why didn't we get gas?"

I should have seen it coming, but I was too annoyed at myself for such a bonehead moment, I was in teacher-autopilot mode - answering questions with short, accurate answers which are the easiest for young ones to digest and learn.

"Because my money is in my purse."
"But mom, you don't need money, just use that pump thing."

That's when the floodgates opened up. We talked about debit cards and credit cards and how they transfer funds. We approached money in its infancy stage as a bartering system. I thought the conversation was over and I enjoyed the few moments of silence that we as mothers rarely receive. It was so quite I could almost hear the words swimming in his brain. He looked longingly out his window and said, almost to himself, "Wow, you need money for almost everything. That is so disappointing."

The gravity of what had happened in his head hit me like a swift punch in the stomach. My heart sank as I realized I had crushed his perception of a perfect world. A place where those who need gas in their cars, drive up to a pump and fill it. A place where hungry people can drive up to a window and order food. A society where you can walk into a dojo and learn karate or find a studio and take up dance. A city where you live in a home and turn on the lights and get air conditioning or heat whenever you need it. I wanted to live in his world. It sounded wonderful. But no, I had taken him by the hand and flung him into my world.

I have always talked to my children as real people. Kids can handle more truth than we think. However in that moment, I wished I had blown off his questions. Why didn't I just use the standard, "just because," or "don't worry about it, we will get gas in a minute after a quick detour."

I wish he could have lived in that world longer.

- Sara